I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
