you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
