btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
