Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
