The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
