2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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