the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
