I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
