So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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