Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

You kept calling me your small dog last night.

Fav 6 1085 3128
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(913): View more from Kansas

I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me

Fav 22 7048 1378
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

Fav 6 2471 1438
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.

Fav 3 1131 579
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out

Fav 5 1482 630
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(801): View more from Utah

If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.

Fav 4 656 1300
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(816): View more from Missouri

Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.

Fav 13 2360 847
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(573): View more from Missouri

i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.

Fav 0 40 10
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(631): View more from New York

A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.

Fav 0 19 23
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