Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's the barista slut.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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