Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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