I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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