College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
