Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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