I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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