Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
