The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They took my balls.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
