i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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