You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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