My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
