i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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