I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
