thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
