Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
