Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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