Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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