Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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