The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
