She is in my trunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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