it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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