Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
