K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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