did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
