My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
