I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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