Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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