I hope mine doesn't look like that
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
