After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
