just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
