hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
