Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Pooping to opera.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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