btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
