i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
