I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
