then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
