i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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