i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
