Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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