textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
