Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
