Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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